A woman who lost part of her face has set her mind to helping others understand that a person’s capabilities and intelligence are not as plain as the nose on their face.
Trish Hawley is a cancer survivor who even considers her cancer experience a “positive” one.
It has, however, left her without a nose.
After chronic, severe nerve pain for one year and unsuccessful radiation treatment, she went to sleep on the surgeon’s table for a full rhinectomy to remove a rare form of nasal cancer on July 22, 2020, just three days before her 41st birthday.
“I woke up from the first surgery, and it was incredible – I was pain-free,” said the Huntsville resident and public health inspector.
The surgeon had removed her nose and nasal bone, and part of her cheek on the side where the tumour had grown in her nasal passage.
She had several return visits for stitches and wound dressing, and still wears a bandage over the area where her nose – and the cancerous tumour – used to be.
The wound, however, was hard to look at.
“At first I was startled, I thought it was disgusting and I couldn’t believe it was me,” she said. “I had to keep reminding myself, ‘that’s not you, it’s just how you look right now.’”
The scar, according to Hawley, is ‘gnarly and grotesque,’ but instead of fixating on it, she reminds herself she is pain-free and cancer-free, according to each of her follow-up scans. And she is alive, which was her goal, regardless of what she now looks like.
“I can do everything I could do before, I just don’t have a nose while I’m doing it,” said Hawley.
Everything except wear sunglasses, which was one of the first things she did after she received a temporary, glue-on prosthetic nose sculpted specifically for her face.
She received the prosthetic on Oct. 5, 2021, about 14 months after she woke up from her rhinectomy surgery.
“It took an hour to get my nose on today,” she said. “Sometimes it’s easier just to wear the bandage, but I’m forcing myself to get used to it … every stage is a lot of growing pains and getting used to things.”
But she wasn’t the only one engaged in a mental battle; her family and friends struggled to see her changed face.
“You feel like the same person inside, but you have these people closest to you looking at you and crying, looking at you like you’ve got something wrong with you,” said Hawley.
Outside of her inner circle, she encountered staring, comments, and questions. None of them subtle.
Someone asked her if she lost her nose because she got a COVID vaccine.
In restaurants people didn’t bother with a sly side-eye glance, they craned their necks and turned in their chairs to look at her bandage when she took her face mask off to eat, she explained.
“The hardest part is that no one can feel what you’re feeling inside – you’re happy to be alive and you’ve got a great quality of life,” said Hawley. “Life changes aside, I always try to remember that I’m alive and I’m here, and I can help someone else through it who maybe hasn’t had such a great experience.”
And so, Hawley found herself part of a new community: people with facial differences.
She reached out to a national charity called AboutFace, which advocates for and supports people who have congenital and acquired facial differences.
The encounters and experiences she has had through AboutFace have shown her some of the bravest faces are those with differences.
“Everyone I’ve met [through AboutFace] is living their lives and doing amazing things and they’ve been doing that since they were babies,” said Hawley. “Now they’re out helping other people … It’s remarkable to see, and it gives me drive. It makes me realize I can make a difference because they’ve made a difference for me.”
One day, Hawley will have a “permanent” prosthetic nose attached to her face with magnets or clips. But her eyes have been forever opened to the struggles and courage of the facial difference community.
She and the others featured in the latest Beyond My Face video campaign ask viewers to drop their stares and assumptions and include them in everyday life and in conversations.
“It’s as simple as saying ‘hello,’ and looking someone in the eyes and acknowledging them as a person,” said Hawley.
The AboutFace campaign also advocates for people with facial differences to be included in conversations about equity.
“As a society, we’re behind in recognizing that people with facial differences continue to encounter barriers to education, employment, and other basic opportunities,” said Danielle Griffin, executive director of AboutFace in a news release launching the latest campaign.
“This video is a call to action for people to build more inclusive spaces for the facial difference community.”
Hawley said she had a well-established career with the Simcoe Muskoka District Health Unit before she acquired a facial difference, and admittedly did not understand the inequities and barriers put up against the facial difference community.
“I was nonchalant about this, I didn’t understand and I wasn’t aware,” she said.
But now, an image of the villain in the new James Bond film, whose face is covered in burn scars, is a stark reminder for her of the prevailing and harmful archetype of the evil villain with a facial difference.
Penny Loker, an advocate for facial difference equality, said the myths are persistent.
“A lot of people still see those who look different as outcasts, unintelligent, even evil,” she said in the campaign launch release.
Hawley would like to see those stereotypes stop, particularly in films and television.
“Awareness is the bottom line, on a personal and grander, worldwide scale,” she said. “The awareness piece is so important.”
Hawley has played her own role in creating awareness, as she will often get questions of concern from children who notice her bandage.
She has explained her nose was removed because of cancer, that she’s OK, and now she gets to pick whatever nose she wants.
“The younger you start the kids in dealing with facial differences and other illnesses, the more resilient and accepting they’re going to be,” said Hawley.
Her goal in participating in the Beyond my Face video campaign is to encourage others to learn about facial differences, and pledge to “see everything we are.”
You can sign a pledge, donate, and learn more about people with facial differences and the barriers they encounter at beyondmyface.com.
“Lots of people Google lots of silly things, but I think this is one thing you want to Google and want to be aware of,” said Hawley.
You can watch the Beyond My Face video featuring Trish Hawley and others here:
