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Champlain: A man before his time?

Orillia poet takes a decidedly cheeky poke at famed explorer
2018-03-31 sam champlain toon.jpg
An illustration by James Ireland

This poem about Samuel de Champlain was submitted by Orillia writer Colin McKim:

SAM CHAMPLAIN

The great explorer, Sam Champlain,
Was keen to cross New France by train.
Naturally he was upset
To learn trains weren’t invented yet.

“Fine,” he said, “No need to fuss.
All of us can ride the bus.”
His footman took him by the wrist:
“Your Lordship, buses don’t exist.

“In 1615 what we do
Is make the journey by canoe.”
“Canoe?” said Sammy in dismay.
“A trough of bark and sticks, no way!”

“Where’s my cell phone?” yelled Champlain
“I’ll call King Louis to complain.”
“There are no cell phones,” said Brule.
“Such things are centuries away.”

Champlain was in a vile temper
His face got red as a chili pepper.
“I’m flying home. New France can wait.”
No one dared to set him straight.