I think I have discovered a new condition and I think I may suffer from it.
OK, it may not be in the medical journals yet, but I am quite sure it's coming.
I am going to call it SCAM, which is short for self-checkout anxiety meltdown.
In previous columns, I’ve expressed my dislike of self-serve kiosks, and I don't believe it when I am told it is going to save time and money.
Management says it saves jobs? I doubt that, too.
In any event, whether I like it or not, as we all know, the do-it-all-yourself trend is here and doesn’t seem to be going away.
While I try to avoid it, there are times when there’s not much choice. It isn’t that I can’t do it, it's that I don’t want to do it.
Part of the reason I don’t enjoy it may be my personality. As a really shy young person who would do anything not to be the centre of attention, nothing would mortify me more than having someone in line behind me at the checkout watching as I put my food on the conveyor belt. I just felt I was always being judged.
“She should be buying more carrots less cookies."
“That lady clearly has no clue how to pick a good roast.”
“She just put her apples on top of her bread.”
In reality, they were likely not paying any attention at all, but it always made me nervous with someone behind me.
There was nothing good about COVID other than the fact it kept people back a few feet.
But now it's even worse. I feel flustered and rushed with people waiting behind me and it's on me to keep things moving.
Plus, I don’t know the code for cauliflower. What if it's from the reduced bin? And please don’t require me to weigh something.
Have you noticed every store's rules seems different?
If I buy your bags, does the clerk put the stuff in for me?
If I bring my own, will they assist? Or is that my job, too?
Here you are, trying to scan products, juggle boxes and bags, fill the containers, find your debit card, pay and make sure you didn’t forget something.
Oh, and have the receipt handy because they likely don’t trust that you’ve checked yourself out properly and will need to see that as you exit the checkout area.
That is both insulting and a pain in the butt.
And, yes, I can lose the receipt between the register and the front door!
Then you do the checklist: purse, wallet, keys, phone, child, husband, small dog?
It's unclear to me if there's a cure for S.C.A.M.
There are really only two options: I either need to get faster, or go completely at my own pace.
Most people are probably in the same boat and would accept it if I just advised them I’m a slowpoke and it might take a while.
But, there are always the eye-rollers, the heavy sighers and the toe tappers.
It's all becoming too much.
A shopping experience used to be something I looked forward to.
Now, it's something I need to recover from. I rush home to my couch, where I grab a coffee with a Tums chaser.
Then, I realize I still have to lug all the stuff back in the house and put it all away.
I would cry, but I forgot to buy Kleenex.
