Most of the world completed their initiations into Zoom meetings and group chats over the holidays.
Grandparents everywhere were pointing their phones toward the ceiling.
Cameras were off.
Microphones were muted.
All around the globe came the familiar question: “Can anybody see me?”
For some, it was a joyous occasion of being able to see friends and family in whatever way they showed up.
This, of course, would be the kind and proper way to have embraced this new way to communicate.
Then there would be me (the cranky one), who found it frustrating and endlessly annoying. Epic fail.
While I do marvel at the technology that lets us appear in each other’s homes at the click of a link, I also despise the fact we can all appear in each other’s houses at the click of a link.
First of all, I need a lot of warning of any proposed FaceTiming.
When Jane Jetson pushed that button and a TV screen came out of the ceiling, and George appeared clear as a bell on the screen for a video chat, I thought that was the coolest thing ever. The difference was Jane was always perfectly coiffed with pearls on and George definitely was wearing trousers.
In real life and in real time, nothing is quite so perfect.
In a recent group chat in which we had 10 participants, it was not so like a 'W' Christmas movie and more like Animal House.
With their permission, I shall recount my experience.
We had one inebriated member who, as luck would have it, was the host of the Zoom meeting. Whilst holding his bird In one hand and his bearded dragon in the other (not euphemisms), he entertained himself by changing backgrounds. He put himself in the tropics, on a beach, on the Vegas strip, and in one background his head disappeared completely.
Things were changing and flashing so fast, I thought I was hallucinating.
Everyone was in little boxes, but not all well lit or clear like the Brady Bunch boxes, although I was pleased to be called Anne B. Davis because I was in the middle (dated reference).
Three family members had to squish into one box because if everybody has their own device in the same room there was feedback. So, we saw one whole person and two half-people for the duration.
The rest of us were in some altered state of darkness or brightness. All slightly blurry.
Remind me never to travel without my ring light in case of surprise FaceTime sessions.
Despite the fact we are supposed to stare at each other, my eyes keep reverting back to my own image and how horrible I look. Really, how many chins can one person have? No amount of gadget adjustment makes me look how I think I look. Nope, I am forced to see a pale, wrinkled version of myself and that’s with my glasses off.
There’s always one who has a perfectly angled camera who looks like a supermodel. I don’t like her!
Again, maybe it was the number of people we had on screen at the same time, but it seemed like everyone talked at once (not unusual for this crowd) or nobody spoke for fear of crosstalk.
There is somewhat of a delay between one speaker and another — I know how Anderson Cooper feels doing satellite interviews on CNN.
It made for an oddly disjointed conversation especially when a comment calls for a razor-sharp sarcastic and witty response which must be delivered with precise comedic timing, but because of the delay falls completely flat.
The experience actually left me feeling empty. I had this horrible fear that after not seeing each other for nine months that we might be losing our connection.
Our claim to fame had always been “no lulls” meaning we never had a lack of things to talk about and share. I got literally scared that with another lockdown when we get back together we will be distant. I actually cried.
I shared my experience with the group and they slapped sense back into me reminding me that it was just the technology that made it seem awkward.
They assured me when we are in the same location again, it will be like no time had passed.
It reminded me though we all need to keep trying to be social though distant. There needs to be constant communication whether a shared meme, joke, quotation or picture.
It doesn’t have to be a big long diatribe, but a couple of lines to say “you’re not alone,” “I miss you,” or “I have been thinking about you.”
We need to support each other.
One friend said after being totally alone for the holidays, the sight of all of us, in whatever form, made her happy.
She had the right attitude and I will try harder to embrace the “Zoom” next time.
For the record, the drunk guy had a blast!
