Editor's note: The following article contains graphic references to self-harm and suicidal ideation.
Former York Region teacher Robert Aurich felt like his only option was to end his life, as he tied a noose around his neck, ready to leave the world after years of torment following child pornography charges that were eventually dropped.
He fell into a deep depression when all he wanted was help from his doctors. He says his name was smeared by allegations made by York Regional Police in 2020 when he was a teacher at York Region District School Board's King City Secondary School, and while he attempted to defend himself, his mental health continued to deteriorate due to prescription drugs he said infiltrated his mind.
"I went to Walmart and bought some rope," Aurich said. "I ... put up the rope on a tree. It didn't work."
The criminal charges of possession of child pornography, distribute child pornography, and accessing child pornography were stayed on June 21, 2022.
About a month prior to his scheduled disciplinary proceeding with the Ontario College of Teachers, Aurich informed the regulator he would be withdrawing his membership, and would not teach in any public or private school in Ontario, or work in any position that requires college membership, and will never seek reinstatement.
Ontario College of Teachers transcripts state that at an April 3 hearing, a panel found Aurich was in a psychotic state at the time of the charges, and confirmed there are no legal proceedings against him in the Ontario Court of Justice.
"Mr. Aurich was not Mr. Aurich for a period of time when Mr. Aurich's behaviours became erratic. And so, he could not be responsible for his actions and his conduct," said Jordan Glick, counsel for the college.
Aurich said he "lost his mind" and his "life was destroyed" when doctors prescribed drugs for a skin infection that interacted with each other.
"It was so bad, I couldn't sleep. I was taking days off of work, going in the next day," said Aurich.
While Aurich said it is difficult and embarrassing to detail his medical condition and "descent into insanity," he feels compelled to explain to clear his name.
Aurich said he had polycythemia, which made his blood thicken. He was prescribed high levels of testosterone and then prednisone, which diminished his mental capacity. He went from mania to a depressive disorder because of the drugs, he said.
"The prednisone wore off, and I literally had to find a bridge to jump off," said Aurich. "I literally had to kill myself. There was no alternative. That switch went from euphoria to absolutely having to die within three days."
The charges stemmed from a photograph of a young girl he had accessed because it reminded him of the abuse he had suffered as an adolescent, he said. In his diminished mental capacity, he thought he had uncovered a global conspiracy and felt the need to investigate it further to help victims of sexual abuse like himself. He emphasizes he did not distribute the photo.
York Regional Police were alerted about the photo and came to the high school to arrest him. No students were there at the time of his arrest as it occurred during the pandemic.
Third-party apps, such as Google, Facebook and Snapchat flag content to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. The organization then tracks the IP address and notifies local police. Google flagged Aurich's emails, sent the information to the national centre and then York Regional Police was notified. Officers then traced it to King City Secondary School.
Aurich said he was "manic" at this point.
"I spoke for 3-1/2 hours straight about theories about crazy stuff about me being sexually abused," said Aurich. "That is what it was generally about, but I wouldn't tell them anymore because, in a lot of ways, I suspected they were involved in sex trafficking in York Region. I came to think that there was this grand conspiracy, and a lot of people were involved, like lawyers, judges and police."
Aurich shared a forensic report by Hy Bloom from March 18, 2022. The psychiatrist stated he was clinically depressed, and his case is unusual.
"Having just one photo of an unclad prepubescent girl on his phone who was neither posing or being posed in a sexual manner nor engaged in a sexual act is not something that I have come across before when assessing child pornography offenders," said Bloom. "The reason that I will subsequently suggest as the motive for Mr. Aurich's behaviour is also unusual, as are the circumstances of him accessing it and his course before he did."
Bloom stated Aurich had suicidal ideations that began when he started to have a severe rash that kept him from sleeping. He lost his appetite and about 15 pounds. Bloom also states his mood and demeanour changed with the sleep loss.
"At times, he was depressed, grandiose, suspicious (and into conspiracy theories), and he was considerably more irritable. He reported experiencing night terrors about his own past abuse from which he would sometimes wake up sweaty and in a panic," said Bloom.
Aurich also had a history of suicidal ideation. He recalled taking both ends of a wire clothes hanger when he was younger and sticking each end into a receptacle socket. The wire became bright amber, and he started screaming, according to the forensic report.
"I can confirm that the college withdrew the notice of hearing against Mr. Aurich, and Mr. Aurich entered into an undertaking to resign and never reapply," said Gabrielle Barkany, bilingual senior communications officer for the Ontario College of Teachers.
He feels he can't be in a classroom, and doesn't want to have to defend himself every time he has questions about the dropped charges.
"I think my intelligence is still there, but I'm not really the same person after this. Teaching is not a good idea. I don't think I can do it. Anxiety is a bit of an issue for me. The psychosis took a toll on me. I'm getting better, but once you go psychotic, you're not the same person."
