The following is a satirical guest column by former long-time Orillia Packet & Times reporter/columnist Colin McKim.
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The residents of Green Forest were shocked to find condominiums being built in the waterfront park between the crab shack and the marine railway.
When did the city decide to develop public parkland, they wondered.
When cornered by reporters, Mayor Kickback said the project had been accidentally approved by the custodial firm that cleaned city hall at night.
"They sometimes take breaks in the city manager's office. They must have accidentally signed the approvals while doing word jumbles and eating Chinese food at the manager's desk," said the mayor.
The fact the developer was married to his daughter was pure coincidence, said Kickback.
But why was city parkland even made available for development, reporters asked.
"Well the developer wanted the land really badly so he could enrich himself ten times over," said Kickback. "He even had a wish board. Those things can be powerful."
Didn't he also fund your mayoral campaign?
"True. He comes from a very good family. Very generous. I didn't want to seem ungrateful."
But no one else had a chance to bid on this piece of parkland?
"Yes, the developer was anxious to get going," Kickback noted. "We need housing desperately. Because of global warming and changing ocean currents, thousands of people are washing up on our shores every day. They need towels and houses."
Aren't there lots of places to build houses besides city parks?
"Like I said. The developer wanted this piece of land. He's a professional. Far be it from me to tell him where to build."
But approvals signed by custodians? Is that proper?
"It is a flawed process," said the mayor.
"Going forward, we'll make sure no papers are left lying around city hall at night. And we did fire the cleaners."
